We had had homework from the last class. We were to do a "quickie" budget. (hee hee, we had a quickie) This little budget was to be just the essentials. I felt my heart sink to the pit of my stomach when my biggest fears were realized, we were almost down to the penny of our income with just our essentials. Then hubs said that he hadn't figured in the check from his 2nd job (yes he's working a second job and we are still in debt). Now I truly felt sick to my stomach. If we were down to the penny of our income with just the essentials, meaning we were making ends meet (sort of) on just the two incomes, what the hell were we doing with all the money from the second job?? I was shocked at the amount of money we were letting slip through our hands on a monthly bases. All because we didn't hav a plan for our money.
After we created the essentials budget hubs and I had a conversation about our monthly bills and how it seems like the middle part of the month is the hardest part to make ends meet. We were paying our house payment, two car payments and two weeks of child care with the checks we received in the middle of the month. Gee, I don't know why we would run out of money after paying all that. So since we had a little extra from hubs teaching summer school we added up the bills we pay at the beginning of the month and we decide that we can pay the mortgage on the first rather then the 15th. I paid another bill or two online. Exhale a big sigh of relief and go on my merry way. During class I'm high on the fact that we made such a great decision to pay our mortgage and how easy the rest of the month will be.
The week goes on and so do a few bills that we forgot to add into things that come out at the beginning of the month. All of a sudden it's Friday and we have $60 in the bank account and it has to last us until the next Friday. This is not going to work. We will both need gas for our vehicles and there are 2 bills that will need to be paid. Insert water works here. I had a huge melt down. I was so happy that we were making good decisions. Excited we started this class, blah blah blah. But now I felt hopeless. I was feeling like no matter what we did we were screwed. I felt like we couldn't get out from under this mountain we had put ourselves under. Luckily I had hubs by my side telling me it was going to be ok. Reminding me we knew this was going to be hard. Reminding me we had just begun. Although I began to breath and not hyperventilate any longer I still wasn't convinced.
In class Dave says, you have to live like no one else so later you can LIVE like no one else. So here we are living like no one else. And honestly it kind of sucks. I believe it will get easier. I believe in the big picture, the one that includes me on a beach or in a castle in Ireland with a little voice in the back of my head of a friend saying I told you so. Why is it so hard to stop wanting everything now? I waited so long for so many other things in my life, why should this be any different? I suppose it could be true that the things worth doing in life are the hardest.
In preparing to write this blog I came across a couple sayings that felt very appropriate for this journey and I wanted to share them with you.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans for a future and a hope."
ReplyDelete- Jeremiah 29:11
I know exactly what you are going through and have shed those tears. Keep going. Baby steps.