In class we were reminded over and over that this was really about changing behaviors. And damn it I am not so sure I like the behaviors it is changing! What the hell do people do when they feel down and frustrated if they can't shop? Eat? I can't do that either!
So life is definitely throwing some lemons my way right now. My job (thanks to the Governor) is in jeopardy. My job is grant funded. Each year I get to play this game where I (with help from others) write a grant application to the state and after a month or so we get word on whether we are funded or not. Well this year, the rules of the game changed. WE were so used to the old rules, these new rules won't really allow us to be a good player in the game.
So as you can imagine, I'm a little stressed. I might be categorized as an emotional person, on a good day. So add a little (or a lot) of stress and well you've got a stress ball on your hands. A stress ball that just might burst out in tears at a moments notice. (Why do I use SO so often???)
Typically when feeling this way I would do one of two things...or both things really. 1) Shop 2) Eat. After losing 40lbs earlier this year, I'm not really eager to begin stress eating. But I did bake some pretty darn good pumpkin cookies the other night. My next logical thought is, shop, when can I go shopping? (I almost started with SO again, I have to stop that). With it being so close to Christmas, going shopping is like killing two birds with one stone. I get to medicate my stress with shopping, while actually being productive and getting Christmas gifts. I start thinking this is great!
Then I hear Dave Ramsey's voice in my ear as if he's the little angel sitting on my shoulder "did you save for that?" No Dave I did not save for my emotional melt down. But damn it now your voice is in my head and I won't enjoy shopping. Thank you very much (seriously thank you...my wonderful habits would have added to my waistline and our debt)!
Some day we will get to the point that we have extra money that we don't have a SPECIFIC plan for. Some day I will get to shop whenever I want to, within reason. For now I guess I'm stuck learning how to change my behaviors.
Again, I ask, what do people do when they are an emotional wreck? PLEASE, please don't answer exercise, because I can tell you that is not happening! Yes, that is a behavior I need to change too, but I seriously doubt that it will bring me the type of satisfaction I once found in food and shopping.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
Can you worry and have faith?
I started this post about 2 weeks ago and keep thinking I need to get back to it. Today full of even more worry then I was 2 weeks ago I've decided it is time to finish. Maybe if I get all the worry out I can put it aside and let God take care of it.
I don't know if you can tell, but I'm a worrier. I even own a book called The Worrier's Guide to the Patron Saints. Maybe I should consult it. I wonder if there is a saint that would help me stop being a worrier. I don't really know where the worry comes from. I had a pretty stable childhood, for a child of divorced parents. But as long as I can remember I've worried about things. No matter how many great quotes I see about worrying or about putting your faith in God, this is one thing about me that I can't seem to change. Don't get me wrong, I have a strong faith in God and I know that God is watching over me and listening to my prayers. The thing is, God and I don't always agree on timing.
I imagine your wondering, what the heck does the fact that you are a worry have to do with you and your journey to become debt free? (if you haven't read my last entry...you might want to do that now, and you will have your answer) Becoming debt free is a part of a plan. A plan for our future and our children's future. I worry because I want the best for my children and I'm afraid that I won't be able to provide it particular because of decisions I have made in my past. Decisions that were made before they were even a glimmer. I worry because I've chosen a certain career path, and although I know I have the power to change it, I don't know that I want to. For the past 12 years I have worked in grant funded positions. Meaning about once a year I don't know how much longer I will have a job. We've hit that time of year.
When I think of making a financial plan for the future my career definitely plays a part in why I worry. We are making great strides right now, but what if January 1, I don't have job? What then? I know logic says worry about that when it happens, but something in my gut says, worry about it now. If the economy was better, if there didn't seem to be an attack on early childhood education in KS and MO, I might not worry so much. I have great skills that are applicable to many different situations but I thrive in early childhood education. But that doesn't mean I will find a job that suits me or pays enough to support our family in the way we have been acustomed.
It is some what humurous that I worry about this and can't just seem to put it into God's hands. He has provided for me so many times in my life. Each and every job has seem to come when it was time. I've had wonderful opportunities. I know he will provide when the time comes again. BUT...at the same time I believe in the philosophy that God helps those who help themselves. My fear is that I will be like the man who is sitting on his roof top as the water rises and when help comes he says God will take care of me. Then when he finally drowns and goes to heaven he asks God why he didn't save him, and God replies I sent you help, you didn't take it. What if I don't recognize God's help when it arrives?
The Dave Ramsey class has definitely been a gift from God, my own personal "clue". He has opened our eyes to an error in our ways and has helped us develop a path to fix that error. We aren't perfect but we are making strides. I know life happens and it could put a kink in our plan, a tree in our road, but we will get around it. Even with my faith knowing that we will somehow make it through, I can't stop from worrying. Doing our monthly budget stops me from worrying so much about our finances, but honestly not completely. I think it has stopped the day to day worry but hasn't really chased away the future finance worries.
I know there shouldn't be room for worry when I have strong faith in God and God's plans for me. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Somehow I need to make this my mantra and know that God is for me, and if God is for me, who can be against me. Old habits die hard! I will try to hold strong to his message and push out the worry. I can be like the little blue engine and each day say, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." That's all I can do, try.
I don't know if you can tell, but I'm a worrier. I even own a book called The Worrier's Guide to the Patron Saints. Maybe I should consult it. I wonder if there is a saint that would help me stop being a worrier. I don't really know where the worry comes from. I had a pretty stable childhood, for a child of divorced parents. But as long as I can remember I've worried about things. No matter how many great quotes I see about worrying or about putting your faith in God, this is one thing about me that I can't seem to change. Don't get me wrong, I have a strong faith in God and I know that God is watching over me and listening to my prayers. The thing is, God and I don't always agree on timing.
I imagine your wondering, what the heck does the fact that you are a worry have to do with you and your journey to become debt free? (if you haven't read my last entry...you might want to do that now, and you will have your answer) Becoming debt free is a part of a plan. A plan for our future and our children's future. I worry because I want the best for my children and I'm afraid that I won't be able to provide it particular because of decisions I have made in my past. Decisions that were made before they were even a glimmer. I worry because I've chosen a certain career path, and although I know I have the power to change it, I don't know that I want to. For the past 12 years I have worked in grant funded positions. Meaning about once a year I don't know how much longer I will have a job. We've hit that time of year.
When I think of making a financial plan for the future my career definitely plays a part in why I worry. We are making great strides right now, but what if January 1, I don't have job? What then? I know logic says worry about that when it happens, but something in my gut says, worry about it now. If the economy was better, if there didn't seem to be an attack on early childhood education in KS and MO, I might not worry so much. I have great skills that are applicable to many different situations but I thrive in early childhood education. But that doesn't mean I will find a job that suits me or pays enough to support our family in the way we have been acustomed.
It is some what humurous that I worry about this and can't just seem to put it into God's hands. He has provided for me so many times in my life. Each and every job has seem to come when it was time. I've had wonderful opportunities. I know he will provide when the time comes again. BUT...at the same time I believe in the philosophy that God helps those who help themselves. My fear is that I will be like the man who is sitting on his roof top as the water rises and when help comes he says God will take care of me. Then when he finally drowns and goes to heaven he asks God why he didn't save him, and God replies I sent you help, you didn't take it. What if I don't recognize God's help when it arrives?
The Dave Ramsey class has definitely been a gift from God, my own personal "clue". He has opened our eyes to an error in our ways and has helped us develop a path to fix that error. We aren't perfect but we are making strides. I know life happens and it could put a kink in our plan, a tree in our road, but we will get around it. Even with my faith knowing that we will somehow make it through, I can't stop from worrying. Doing our monthly budget stops me from worrying so much about our finances, but honestly not completely. I think it has stopped the day to day worry but hasn't really chased away the future finance worries.
I know there shouldn't be room for worry when I have strong faith in God and God's plans for me. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Somehow I need to make this my mantra and know that God is for me, and if God is for me, who can be against me. Old habits die hard! I will try to hold strong to his message and push out the worry. I can be like the little blue engine and each day say, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." That's all I can do, try.
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