The Balancing Act

Wow, it's been a month since my last post. I guess no news is good news.

Last week a mother from our child care passed away. There are only about 6 or 7 families at this child care, so we all know each other. This family though had only started back in September. We had a Thanksgiving lunch the Saturday before Thanksgiving. This was my first and only introduction to the mom. Our child care provider emailed all of the families to let us know of the tragedy. The mom hadn't been sick. I found out today it was a brain aneurysm.

Every time I think of this family and what they are going through my heart aches and I get sick to my stomach. Like most normal people, I begin to think "what if". What if that happened to us? What if I died and Hubby had to care for our two children? What if Hubby died and I had to pick up the pieces and keep going? How do people do that?

As I have been thinking of the different things my family can do to help this family, I realized there are some big things that are left undone at my house, and if any of the what ifs came true our children would be screwed. Two big things are on our "to do" list, 1) fill out our life insurance papers to secure additional term coverage (the papers are ther, we need to just do it- thank Nike) 2) we need a will. We have done our children diservice by not doing these two things.

During FPU we had learned about the importance of life insurance and the amount you needed while still in debt and not havine a fully funded emergency fund. WE NEED A LOT! In my investigating we made the decision to only get part of the total amount we need. It's what we can fit into our budget reasonably right now, and combined with a work policy it is sufficient. I had heard the family that lost the mom didn't have life insurance. Now I feel the urgency to fill out the paper work.

Although life insurance has been weighing heavily on my mind it is actually low on the list as far as my financial and personal goals. This woman was 11 months younger then me, and her life was ended so suddenly. There are so many things I want to do. Thank the Lord I have been able to do the two most meaningful things I have wanted to do, be a mother and wife. But I also want to travel! I am 38 years old and I've never been out of the country (well I've been to Mexico, does that count?).

I have had SERIOUS thoughts about saying screw the plan, lets buy some plane tickets! I need not ony a vacation but an opportunity to spend some time with my husband, who is working his butt off for our family. I miss him! We still haven't had a honeymoon or any type of trip since getting married four years ago. Even as I write this I want to hop on travelocity and check on trips to Ireland or even Florida or Hawaii, anywhere. But I can't. I won't. Because.....gezelle intensity. Stupid gezelle! I'm going to walmart to get a gun!

I know I am supposed to be working on paying down debt with gezelle intensity, but I need some fun and some balance in my life. How do you work that in without feeling like your are screwing your future for some peace today? And is that peace worth it, because what if you die tomorrow? I don't want to die with regret. But on the flipside, I don't want the regret to be that we didn't stick to our plan and pay down debt so now we have dug ourself a bigger hole.

As it is my budget is all a bit hazy this month. I know we are making huge strides because I am almost done Christmas shopping and nothing has been put on a credit card.

So friends, how do you balance being faithful to your plan while ensuring you don't go crazy in the mean time? Do you just stick to the plan for 2-3-4 years and then when you are done, save for that trip or whatever it is that keeps you sane? Or do you say, I need this and add in a hundred or two to your budget to start working toward your desire? I know Dave would tell me to save for it and stop whining. I know we could be doing more to pay down our debt. I guess I just need to start getting creative and sell off as much as I can so we can get a little joy.