Oh there you are!

As you may know I have been participating in a journal project. Today I took a detour. I journaled. But not the topic I was presented. Today I felt the need to share about depression, particularly my own. Whatever you do in life, take care of yourself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6s8ZEFUSYAI

If you watch the link above you will see my favorite clip of Robin Williams in Hook. One child takes the time to really look at Peter. He pushes his face, he takes his glasses off, and finally he sees him and says "Oh there you are Peter!" I wonder if that too was a special clip to Robin. I wonder if he wished people could see inside him to really understand him. When you are suffering from depression or any mental illness you put on a face for the world, the face that says, "I'm ok". You might even be able to fool everyone with this mask. If you are lucky there is someone who looks beyond the mask and sees you. You, the person who is suffering, who desperately wants to not be suffering but you just don't know how to make it stop. If you are even more lucky the love and support of even that one person will help pull you through.

Throughout my life from time to time, usually for a specific reason or from an event, I have suffered depression. I can't explain it well enough for you to know the pain. I remember feeling like I was at the bottom of a very deep dark hole and no matter what I did I couldn't get out. I would pray. I sought counseling from friends and professionals. But there was something in my head that wouldn't let me out of the hole. I have been fortunate that my depression is and has been episodic. It is not something that I suffer from on a daily basis, and I feel for those who do. I have been blessed with the right words, the right people at the right time. I have been pulled from the depths of despair and returned to the land of the living.

I cannot judge those who suffer. I can be here to support them in whatever way they need, although I don't think that is always clear to them or those who want to help. I can pray for them. I can love them. I can try to understand. But like many things in this life, unless you have lived it you cannot truly understand. Be thankful you have not lived it and be kind to those who are.

I thank God that I have never experienced the pain and suffering that would make me want to not continue to live on this earth. For anyone who has and has made it to the other side (for now) I am thankful you made it through. For those who have loved someone who lost the struggle I pray for your peace. For those who  continue the fight today I pray that you have the help you need in your darkest hour. For anyone who is like me and struggling with something they just can't get past, know that I am here for you. You are doing great!


“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” 
― A.A. Milne